Station 7 - Whether or not, we'll complain about the weather
Not so along ago Oklahoma was ripped apart by a super tornado which grew from one mile to 2.6 miles in 30 seconds...the widest ever recorded. This ferocious record-breaking beast blasted out winds of up to 295mph (which again, is a record). The destructive force was an F5...yeah, these bad boys are a 1 in 1000 tornado, and only 8 of these have reared their ugly head since 1950.
So what did this behemoth do?
It ripped apart a 17 mile path of destruction which annihalated blocks of homes, two schools and a hospital. Meanwhile killing 24 people, including 7 children.
Thing is, the USA is regularly hit by tornadoes...as well as hurricanes. East Africa is hit by a drought which has caused a famine which killed 260,000 people in 2011.
So how completely and utterly justified it is that we get those dull morons who walk around, all day long, complaining about a couple of millimetres of LIGHT RAIN. Not even that, a woman the other day was complaining about fucking DRIZZLE.
Come back love when DRIZZLE is cascading through the streets of Scarborough, blowing away everything in its path. Sending chavs and accordion playing buskers (which by the way seem to be on the increase, or maybe they are all about location location location) billowing into the air and straight into the sandy bed which used to be the north sea, but is now just a desolate graveyard of pound shops and several million prams.
Why the hell people in this country complain about the Weather in the 21st century is beyond me. I mean we have raincoat companies that release coats with a small instruction manual attached to its price tag. Describing all the layers this coat has as if you are reading a school text book telling us about plate tectonics. But hell, these things work. They are called raincoats. They stop us getting wet. When it's raining...put one on. Just try it.
WHO are people complaining about the weather to? People say to me "oh the weather's terrible"...oh I'm terribly sorry my dear let me just call my fucking weather controller to create some glorious sunshine for you and because you've got a little bet wet in that apocalyptic drizzle out there I'll even get her to raise the temperature to a pleasant 20 degrees. So off she goes, then her friend walks in...what does she say?
"Oh it's too hot" By now my weather controller is sat in her little office cubicle with dozens of phones with their cables tied together in a mesh of disgruntled and damp disappointment and deluded expectation ringing louder and louder.
So, since people in this country seem to be completely incapable of adapting themselves to the BRITISH weather, here is my quick guide.
- As already stated, if it is raining outside, wear a coat. If it was sunny at the start of the day and rainy later and you get wet; still your own fault. Watch or read a weather forecast. They forecast the weather on those shows. Helpful.
- If it is too hot outside, probably because you are wearing too many clothes. Put some shorts on. Enjoy it. Or maybe you are standing in the actual sunlight for too long. See that darkness that dwells under trees and canopies? That's called SHADE. It's cooler. No sunlight there. Make the most of it, guarantee you'll cool down.
- You live in a climate that is called temperate maritime. It rains.
- You probably have an unrealistic and totally fictional idea of what a British Summertime should be like. Lower your expectations. Your own self-delusion is only going to disappoint you.
So there you go. Our weather is what it is. Rainy, and sunny. Instead of pointlessly moaning about it, try making the most of it. Repel it. DEAL WITH IT.
